Journal

Journey to acceptance

 

I want to be honest about the struggles of accepting “you” for “you” in all your glory; in all your “extra” pounds, in all your beautiful stretch marks, frizzy hair…whatever it is you need to learn to love about yourself. ⁣

I am between 2 odd places. I am working on accepting and loving my body for all it is and all it has changed into. At the same time I am defeated fighting to find out what’s wrong. For a little back story… ⁣

Little Huntly & I had our 4 month check up. Although I had been trying to avoid the scale for 2 reasons: ⁣

1. In order to accept and love myself I need to learn to find happiness without the validation of the number on the scale⁣
2. I knew in my heart it would be something I wouldn’t want to see and wasn’t ready to accept it⁣


I did end up weighing myself as I wanted the most accurate up to date information for my doctor. ⁣

In the past 1.5 months I gained 2 more lbs. this leaves me at 4.5 months post partum 50lbs heavier than I was before birth with not a single pound lost in the past 4.5 months. It’s hard, just because I’m over weight doesn’t mean there’s a health issue. This isn’t a narrative I want to promote. Every body is different. ⁣

I know my body. I have swelling around my knees still, leg pain, back pain and I’m pretty much doing everything I possibly can just to *not* gain weight (yet still am). ⁣

It was a breath of fresh air to voice my concerns to my new family doctor. He has ordered a slew of tests and a full body physical to start figuring out what’s wrong. ⁣

I am still working hard every minute of every day to love me. Love my changed body, love my new rolls and outlines on my tummy. I think what I’m trying to say is learn to be in tune with your body. If you feel great regardless of what the scale or society says stick to what you’re doing. ⁣

If your feeling like something is off don’t take no for an answer. Fight every day to ensure you are happy and healthy. ⁣

This was far from the post partum journey I was expecting or promised (blindly from kind hearted people) but it’s my journey and is teaching me so much about my body, health, happiness and acceptance. {photo of my cute family on Christmas 🎄}